D I S T I N C T LY M O N TA N A • S U M M E R 2 0 1 7
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D E PA R T M E N T
L I T E R A R Y L O D E
R
YEGATE, MONTANA'S TESTICLE FESTIVAL TIME,
where you can pig out on calf nuts for hours and it don't cost a dime.
ere's artists and ranchers and drunk two-step dancers
and grannies who've just reached their prime at Ryegate Montana's Testicle Festival time.
Now that Hutterite up at the bar,
he's had too much liquor by far,
but he swears he can sober up
quicker than most folks might think.
He'll just buttress his gut walls with batter-fried calf balls and then barf 'em up back in the sink, hell, barfin's
no sin, it's a good second wind for more drinks.
at Ryegate, Montana's Testicle Festival time.
For a testicle filling turn north out of Billings
then west till you reach the sublime,
at Ryegate, Montana's Testicle Festival time.
Now some of you tourists might think
at a meal of calf testes would stink.
Well, I beg to differ, them buggers taste great with a drink,
they're just as finger lickin' good
as a TV dinner chicken, a little bit heavy on dough,
but just pop 'em with schnapp's
and they're better than French escargots
at Ryegate, Montana's Testicle Festival time
For a fried donut party, just turn in at Marty's,
hell, its more than this poet can rhyme,
at Ryegate, Montana's Testicle Festival time.
It's more than maniacally, aphrodisiacally, gustily, lustfully fine.
It's Ryegate, Montana's Testicle Festival time.
"IS THERE SUCH A THING AS BEING FAMOUS FOR NOT BEING FAMOUS?
IF THERE WERE, IT WOULD BE THE TESTICLE FESTIVAL IN RYEGATE, MONTANA."
– ED DORN
In 1988 William Hjortsberg, Tom McGuane, and other luminaries were present when Greg Keeler performed these verses:
Greg Keeler on
"expressing Montana":
www.distinctlymontana.com/keeler173
DISTINCTLY MONTANA | DIGITAL
by GREG KEELER
THE
2017
TESTY
FEST
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SCHEDULED
AUGUST
2-6
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