Distinctly Montana Magazine

19 w w w . d i s t i n c t l y m o n t a n a . c o m T HERE WAS A STRETCH, FROM ABOUT 1984 TO 1987, WHEN I DIDN'T GET A SINGLE COLD. I don't remember what I did during that time to get so healthy. I know I wasn't eating a lot of apples at the time; I probably did have a Miller High Life or three a day, but that probably doesn't keep the doctor away as successfully. Whatever it was, I sailed through life blissfully healthy, unaware how lucky I was. As I write this, I envy that past self. Not only was he stronger, better-looking, and, let's face it, possessed of all his faculties, but he also didn't have this cold. As I write this, I have what feels like the cold to end all colds. This cold is to colds as WW2 was to wars; it's the big one. Nothing dents this thing. Over the last week I've taken enough Zycam, Ro- bitussin, and Nyquil, and every combination thereof, to see colors undiscovered since the late sixties, but still the cold lingers. I type this half-heartedly from under a big blanket, propped up on a series of pillows against which I toss and turn, trying to find a comfortable position that allows me to both type half-hearted- ly into my laptop while also watching TV. I'm ashamed to admit that I'm watching a reality show about people meeting and dat- ing on an island. I don't like the show; I'm not really interested in it, although I'm beginning to think that maybe some of the contestants are in it for the wrong reasons. No, I'd rather be watching the Grit Channel ("Television with Backbone"), which broadcasts old Western movies and TV shows 24/7. There are more cowboys on that channel than have ever lived in the history of the world. If you turn on Grit and see someone without a hat or a bonnet, you're looking at a horse. I long for Grit Channel, and to be free of this program, on which two blond women are currently arguing over which one deserves a date with a disinterested-looking tattooed man. But at the mo- ment, the remote control has fallen off the couch and one of the dogs has kicked it under the table, where it cannot possibly be reached. Also, I have a looming deadline for the Fall issue arti- cle (which I've, well, procrastinated on a little) by the end of this week, only a few days away—and I need a good idea quickly. But it is difficult to come up with good ideas through a partic- ularly soupy cloud of brain fog. Reality television? Kleenexes? Uh... how difficult it is to put on underwear? You ever have that feeling, when you've been sick for a few days, where you can't even really remember what it was like to feel well? At the moment, I feel like a jack-o'-lantern full of pecan BY GARY SHELTON CRETACEOUS CROSSROADS OUR NEW EXHIBIT IS OPEN! 406.994.2251 | museumoftherockies.org | 600 W. Kagy Blvd. For the first time in over ten years, Museum of the Rockies unveiled a new primary paleontology exhibition in 2025. Cretaceous Crossroads explores the time of transition, with a focus on three geologic formations in Montana (Two Medicine, Judith River, and Bearpaw) that span the period from 72 to 82 million years ago. The exhibit is comprised of real fossil material, 3D prints, casting, reproductions, murals, new paleo-art, AV interactives, an augmented reality piece, microscope stations, discovery drawers, and more. Visit the website or scan the QR code for hours, rates, and visitation FAQs.

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