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ing to take our homes, and our jobs, and to change the essential
fabric of our state. To that I say, "Well, maybe, but at some point
your ancestors got here and tried to get a home and a job and a
piece of the fabric too." I think the best part of Montana is that
it's a state of mind, not a right-by-lineage. However, I say that as
a fourth-generation Montanan, secure in his Montana-ness.
But imagine a Montana overrun by little gray aliens? Wouldn't
that absolutely be worse than the worst Californian?
For one, I've bellied up next to a Californian at a bar many
times and had a pleasant chat with the lady or fellow. Never have
any of them tried to probe my derriere. Not once. It's enough to
make me wonder what's so wrong with my caboose.
But if stories of certain close encounters of the third kind (if
you know what I mean) are accurate, these guys don't even wait
until the third date; they just strap you down and go to town.
So there's one reason aliens are worse than Californians, but
you might think differently.
Here's another. Californians, for the most part, leave your
damn livestock alone. One time, in fact, I witnessed a Californian
on a hike who jumped in fright when he heard a cow say "moo."
But UFOs and their drivers, those big-eyed ET SOBs, are cra-
zy for cows. They shell and discard bovines like I do sunflower
seeds while driving on I-90.
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