Distinctly Montana Magazine

N OMETIMES I WONDER IF THE DIVORCE RATE WOULD BE SO HIGH if we could tailor-make a quiz for our love interests to fill out before we step into the abyss of a serious relationship. I'm not talking about a Match. com sort of questionnaire. I'm talking take-no-prisoners, pedal-to-the-metal, full-frontal, in- your-face, cut-to- the-chase, head-for-the-hills stuff you would only dare to say out loud in the woods, walking alone with your dogs. Of course, I'd NEVER actually have the guts/gall to do it. But making a personal, private list might serve some purpose. S 1. Precisely how many hours a week would you like to be with me? Please break that down into the following categories: Talking/ Doing chores/ Having sex/ Cooking/ Watching TV/ Cultural outings/ Social outings/ Dates/ Family time/ In-law time/ Physical activities (not including sex) 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. Do you call your mother? Do you tell your father you love him? 11. What's your deal-breaker as far as break-up goes? What's the worst thing that happened to you as a child? What's the best thing? Who is your best friend and why? Has anyone close to you ever died and how did you deal with grief? what if he doesn't like the indigo girls? 15. 16. 12. 13. 14. Have you ever cheated on a girlfriend/spouse? In a pinch, do you lie to get yourself out of a sticky situation? If you could describe yourself in three words, what would they be? Have you ever stolen anything? If so, what was it? How did you feel afterward? What kind of body are you planning to have when you're fifty? Seventy? Do you plan on making it to 80? What about 90? If so, what's your strategy? 17. Why do you like me? Give me at least ten reasons but no more than twenty because then I'll know you're bullsh------ me. (You're about to run for the hills, aren't you. I can see it in your eyes. Hang on— I'll change my tone. I'm flexible that way FYI.) 9. 10. What books are on your bedside table? Do you like to kiss? If so, do you consider it merely foreplay? 7. 8. INMO N Do you care if I gain weight? If so, how much is too much? A NA By Laura Munson Do you like to sing and/or play an instrument? DISTINCTLY MONTANA FALL | 2012 28 Gal T SI Not Your Mama's Relationship Quiz! L E G

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