Distinctly Montana Magazine

D I S T I N C T LY M O N TA N A s FA L L 2 0 1 5 76 76 B-list Hollywood celebrities take turns riding bulls at rodeos around Montana. Bulls are handpicked for their fierceness, agility, and aversion to pretentious egos. Triage and hospital interviews are featured. Celebs lasting eight seconds atop a Brahman are treated to a shopping trip in Miles City. Bill Murray officiates. From your grill to theirs. Aspiring chefs will engage in surprise cook- offs of Montana road kill, with emphasis on originality of preparation and presentation. Typical road kill may include marmot, elk, bear, moun- tain lion, deer, elk, and antelope. Occasional skunk, horse, or eagle may surprise. Extra points will be awarded for freshness (hours from impact), as chefs and their assistants scramble to locate and appropriate carcasses for meal preparation. Series will culminate at Montana's "Testy Festy," which will feature "all you can eat" Rocky Mountain oysters for the winning team. Unsuspecting tourists and visitors are encouraged to take close-up selfies with Montana wildlife. Examples include bison-petting, baby-bear cuddling (mother nearby) and "pin-the-tail" on the moose. Emphasis will be on original- ity of selfie and entertainment value of wild animal response. Post-attack interviews will be conducted on-site, or at near- est medical facility. Contes- tants will be awarded lifetime passes to national parks and a year's supply of bear spray and pain medication. Montana towns with populations of 100 or less (Ismay, Bearcreek, Flaxville, etc.) are over-night populated by the same number of people from a large urban area (Chicago, San Francisco, New York, et.al.). Temporary barrack housing is made available. e new arrivals must find ways to work, recreate, and develop relationships with town residents. Cameos of actual town residents explaining things like grocery shopping (100+ miles, round- trip), barbwire fence repair, and varmint control are sample elements. Can- did "townie" observations of city-slickers are both instructive and comedic: "Yep, we call those lights up there 'stars.'" "No sir, I don't believe we do have cell service, but there is a pay phone down at the gas station." 5 REALIT Y SHOWS ABO UT BULL-DACIOUS BOOM TOWN "WILD" SELFIES LAST BEST PLATES

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