Distinctly Montana Magazine

24 D I S T I N C T LY M O N TA N A M A G A Z I N E • S P R I N G 2 0 2 6 provided. To that end, I grabbed a spare porta-potty that I have on my property and bolted it to the side of the outbuilding. As for licensing and permitting, I decided that as long as I was upfront about it, it wouldn't be a problem. I could just include it in the title, like "BEAUTIFUL, SPACIOUS SUITE OVERLOOK- ING MONTANA WILDS WITH ATTACHED BATHROOM SUITE, UNLICENSED." Next I would need a listing, so I looked at some of the other high- class vacation rentals in the state and tried my best to replicate what made them so alluring. Here, for you to judge, is my effort: "Nestled in the ample bosom of the Bear Paw mountains, under the watchful eye of our three rescue chihuahuas, lies an authentic Western retreat sitting on one of the most beguiling areas of our property. Here, a mere 215 miles from Glacier and only a brisk 340-mile drive to Yellowstone National Park, is the perfect place to find yourself, refresh your spirit, and take in the unparalleled views of our cattle pen and watering tanks as well as the vast maj- esty of the, uh, American tapestry. Amenities include a tasteful selection of art, breathtakingly comfortable bean bag chair, mat- tress that feels like sleeping on a nylon bag full of air, and a stylish rolling chair to convey you around the room in style. Life can be a beautiful dream when you stay at North Central Montana's most rusticly luxurious environs." So I took some artfully blurry photos and affixed them to the profile and put it online. Now if that doesn't get people staying, I thought, I don't know what will. Well, it wasn't long before I got an email from Airbnb and anoth- er from VRBO. Phrases like "not legitimate sleeping quarters" and "fraudulent listing," unkind and pernicious words like "vio- lation of terms of service" and "permanently deactivated" were repeated in both. Fine, I thought. I'll find some recent start-up, a precocious new- comer to the vacation rental world, and list it on there. I found one called "SECRETHIDEOUT.COM," which offers "no questions asked check in" and "cash only, no ID required" stays. My little rental unit has done surprisingly well on that website. And while the sullen, sunglasses-wearing men who arrive to stay in Chez OBR seem like nice enough guys, mostly sticking to themselves and moving nondescript bags in and out, I am beginning to think that this is not quite the class of person who I was trying to attract. So I was going to try one more effort to make the place the pas- sive-income-cash cow I was sure it could be, and to secure a fin- er sort of clientele; I was going to go inside, grab that Sharpie and another sheet of paper, and write out a whole series of new life-affirming, positive and even impishly funny phrases to put up on the walls. I'm talking the really good stuff, too, like "I'd Rather Be in the Mountains," "Memories are Made Here," and "But First, Cof- fee." If that doesn't work, I'll employ the nuclear option: "It's Wine O'Clock Somewhere." PASSIVE INCOME, IT SEEMS, IS MONEY THAT MAKES ITSELF WITHOUT YOU HAVING TO DO ANYTHING. NOM I NAT E F O R YO U R C H A N C E TO BUSI N E S S YO U R FAVO R I T E 2026 BESTo f M O N TA N A A S V O T E D B Y R E A D E R S O F W I N $ 1 0 0 0 I N CA SH ! distinctlymontana.com/bom2026

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