Distinctly Montana Magazine

19 w w w. d i s t i n c t l y m o n t a n a . c o m A S I WRITE THIS, OR RATHER, ATTEMPT TO WRITE THIS, my every movement is being scrutinized by a strange, mop-headed hound. As I type, she cocks her head and stares up at me. I want to try to focus on writing my regular piece here, but this dog's persistent staring makes it difficult. There's something strange in its slightly doleful brown eyes; it looks up at me much the way I imagine devout tourists to the Vatican stare up at the Pope's balcony. The hound is a puppy named Ernie. Curiously, Ernie is a girl. I didn't pick the name, so don't ask me. She was a shelter dog, and the name came with her. I didn't even want to get another dog, to tell you the truth. It's not that I'm not a dog lover, because I certainly am. In fact, I've already got four of the darn things. Part of the reason that I didn't want to end up with Ernie sitting on my feet and staring worshipfully up at me is that I've had to part with too many of them over the years, and each one takes a piece of me with them to wherever good dogs go when they leave us. Perhaps I feared I was depleted by missing so many im- portant pieces of myself. I'm at an age where I've lost a hell of a lot of friends, fami- ly members, and dogs. It hurts each time, and you can kind of reach a point, eventually, where you feel that all that loss is pre- ventable. Maybe you get to thinking you've gotten your last dog because you don't think you can bear to lose any more of them. Over the last year, our family has had to put down two dogs, both elderly, and both beloved. My kids were raised with them— often under their watchful gaze. They trotted alongside my kids on long walks and endured my kids' indelicately heavy petting with gratitude. Eventually, they got old and began to slow down. Their eyes clouded over and filled with cataracts, and their breath- ing became ragged. Finally, you have to make the decision which is best for them and hold them in your arms while a doctor puts them down. I thought I was holding them to make their death eas- ier for them, but I think somehow we both knew it was for my sake. Maybe it's easier to do without. Or, in other words, is it better to have loved and lost, or never to have loved at all? Here's another unanswerable question: how do these furry lit- tle goofballs manage to conquer so much of our hearts? Why do we let them? But enough being moribund. How did this strange little ball of brown fluff end up sitting on my feet, eating a morsel of chicken breast off an actual human, porcelain plate like she's somebody's aunt here for a visit? You might as well ask why I checked the animal shelter's web- site every couple of days to see who had arrived. I looked at the website dutifully but with no intention whatsoever of adopting. I'm sure you get it. I'm sure you've looked at hotels in places you might want to go online, knowing that you aren't going to go there. Sure, you might want to go there, but that doesn't mean you're going to book a room or buy a ticket. In the same vein, I will sometimes look at Zillow and think, "maybe I'll sell the ranch and we can buy a family houseboat and become swamp people somewhere down south and warm." I'd never do it, I'm just entertaining myself by looking, get it? But then, one morning a few weeks ago, there was a picture of a new dog named Ernie. She's five months old, a rescue from Wolf Point. Reservation dogs, if you don't know this already, are the best dogs in the world. Now, all dogs are cute, so they all tugged at my leathery heartstrings a little. But there was something dif- ferent about Ernie's lugubrious eyes, seeming as they did to reach through the screen of my battered iPhone. They said, "Gary, why haven't you visited me yet? Don't you wuuuv me?" (406) 596-0843 Find us on Facebook 119 West Broadway Street Philipsburg, MT Now sold at Drizzle Sips + Scoops in Butte! and at Lakehouse on Georgetown Lake! NOMINATE US WIN $1000 FOR YOUR CHANCE TO 2025 o f BEST M O N TA N A A S V O T E D B Y R E A D E R S O F W I N N E R !

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