Distinctly Montana Magazine

14 D I S T I N C T LY M O N TA N A M A G A Z I N E • FA L L 2 0 2 4 I 'VE LIVED HERE IN MONTANA FOR A LONG TIME. Nearly my whole life now, in fact—except for a handful of years re- grettably spent, because of my job as a railroader, in places like North Dakota and Kansas. And during that time in our state, I made sure to take in all of the outdoor beau- ty and recreational activity I could. I've hiked up one side and down the other of every hill, mountain, peak, and large pile of dirt in the whole state. And climbed most of them, too. I've farmed, ranched, walked, bounced, biked, motorbiked, crawled, tripped, and rolled over just about every square inch of the Last Best Place. And let me tell you, the view of Montana's regal mountains and noble prairies still moves this old cow- boy nearly to tears. Only, the thing is, these days I kind of like to look at it through a window. Rather than, you know, out in it. I don't want to say that I was wrong all of those years toiling and sweating out in the elements, but serious- ly: have you tried just sitting down and doing nothing instead? Sorry, I misspoke. You don't have to do nothing; there's plenty to do. For instance, have you ever watched any TV? For years I thought that this thing was bad—the "boob tube," I was told, and not be- cause of a preponderance of female chests (that might have been some enticement), but because the glow of the cathode ray produced "boobs" in the sense of "morons." "Don't sit so close to television," my mother would yell at me from the kitchen. "You'll go blind!" So for years I did the prudent thing and avoid- ed the television studiously, the better to keep my eyes seeing and my formidable wit razor sharp. Then, somewhere along the way, I got kind of dumb anyway, so I decided to give the old idiot box a try after all. Have you watched this thing? It's incredible! I watched seven straight hours of golf the other day, and I don't even like golf! l In fact, I despise it, but you wouldn't believe how clear it came through. It looked like I was really at Dead Horse Lake golf course in Tennessee when they zoomed in close on the beads of sweat breaking out in the impeccably HD pores of some golfer whose name I don't know because I don't care about golf. But golly, you can sure watch a lot of it on TV. Even so, watching TV is just one of a galaxy of things you can do inside, with OLD BROKE RANCHER BY GARY SHELTON THE OLD BROKE RANCHER ON... HOW TO HOW TO QUIT HIKING QUIT HIKING AND JUST RELAX AND JUST RELAX ALREADY ALREADY

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