Distinctly Montana Magazine

29 w w w. d i s t i n c t l y m o n t a n a . c o m I think that, if you're honest with yourself, a lot of you would have done the same. And if I hadn't been caught, I wouldn't even feel bad about it. You see, I'd been coming home from work, but before I had to pick up the kids from school. I only had about ten minutes to go to the bathroom (let's face it, that's seven of the ten minutes), change, and get back on the road. But, my luck being what it is, I of course slipped and fell in a mud puddle. A mud puddle full of cow manure. After using the restroom, I had about three minutes to dry off and pick up the kids, and usually schools look a little askance if you forget to pick up your kid. So my eyes cast around the house —what could I do to clean up, especially when all the laundry was dirty? My eyes landed on the grill, and I knew what I had to do. Soon I had stripped off my pants and socks, and then doused them quickly in the bath. I didn't know my wife was coming home ear- ly from work, but when she did, she found me in my underwear, two socks hanging from tongs above the rippling heat of the pro- pane. They were drying rapidly, and more rapidly, yet they fell off and onto the surface and burst into a bright orange flame. This time she couldn't even work up any anger or bewilder- ment. She just said, "Damn it, again?" Then she shook her head and went back inside the house. It would be enough if the grill had humiliated me in front of my wife, but I manage that myself all the time. No, what made me shoot the thing was much more personal than that. The lousy thing ruined the best steak I ever bought. For a re- cent birthday—I don't want to say which one, but suffice it to admit that it was the oldest I've ever been—my brother gave me a great big Wagyu beef ribeye steak he bought from Costco for just about $100. This would make it easily the most expensive, if not the best, steak I've ever taken out of my freezer. Montana's Best Hotel in 1917 and Again Today 33 S. Idaho St., Dillon MT 406-925-5024 Whether you're staying for the week or the weekend, working or playing, The Andrus Hotel puts you in the midst of Southwest Montana with spacious and refined accommodations. Make The Andrus Hotel your "basecamp" as you embark on a journey to explore the thrill of Southwest Montana in winter! A n d r u s H o t e l . c o m 24/7 Guest Only Gym Rooftop Terrace Pet-Friendly Private Guest Elevator Meeting Space for up to 10 Fully Equipped Kitchens Nestled in the heart of winter adventure, The Andrus Hotel offers the perfect basecamp for your snowy escapades. Hit the nearby ski slopes, unwind in the natural hot springs, or embark on thrilling adventures arranged through our partner outfitter. Your winter wonderland awaits right outside our doors. WHAT MADE ME MURDER THE GRILL IS THAT IT RELISHES EMBARRASSING ME—LIKE THE TIME MY WIFE CAUGHT ME GRILLING MY UNDERWEAR AND BOOTS. TM

• Cover