Distinctly Montana Magazine

15 w w w. d i s t i n c t l y m o n t a n a . c o m I guess I'm suggesting that some of the touristic foolhardiness we get here in the West springs from the fear of dying in some banal way like, ugh, peacefully in their sleep. They'd rather go out ungently. I think Sigmund Freud, that mother-lover, called it the death drive, the impulse to obliteration, the odd little voice in your head that urges you, on a really steep hike, to inch closer to the precipice, look down and try to imagine what it would be like to tumble all that way. I think those of us who are lucky enough to have been born in Montana have to keep in mind that, for better or for worse, the kind of person who would come to Montana to lose their pants to a bison is the kind of person who might be ok with going out that way. In fact, I think that a certain kind of tourist sees going to Montana as at least a little similar to going to, say, Jurassic Park, or maybe the moon; you go because it's a once-in-a-lifetime ex- perience, but in the full knowledge that you might be annihi- lated. This might sound flippant (and millennial flippancy is my security blanket), but in this case, I really don't mean it to be. I genuinely think that a statistically significant number of the trav- elers to Montana that put themselves in dangerous situations are ok with assuming that risk. I imagine it myself. What if I got to enjoy the same privilege as Tom Sawyer and see my own funeral: "Oh, that's so sad about Sherman, cut down before his time, what a tragedy," says one of my aunts. "Can I ask what happened?" someone says. And then my aunt leans in conspiratorially and whispers, "He was trampled and gored by a bison. You see, he was trying to take the ultimate selfie—from on top of a bison next to Old Faith- ful. I know, it really is awful, but just imagine if he'd have pulled it off. It would have gotten 20k likes easy." At this moment, the collective views of that poor woman's personal rodeo easily number in the millions of views. There, preserved for all time is, a moment of stupidity, yes, but also a miracle, a moment of blind luck so profoundly unlikely that it boggles the mind. That the huge, seriously pissed-off bull tosses her back and forth at literally breakneck speed, narrowly missing every opportunity to dash her brains out against a rock or snap her every bone is incredible. You watch it, and you get that sick- ly feeling you get in your stomach seeing videos like this—you think, "oh my God, am I going to watch a person die?" But then, no. She's fine. A little the worse for wear, sure. But unconscious and thus unaware, maybe not blissfully precise- ly, of the fact that she just had a one in a zillion encounter and survived. Moreover, she's become a star in the process. I have it on good authority that Distinctly Montana is attempting to pur- chase the screen rights to her story. They're very interested in having Meryl Streep play the role as a kind of female-driven 127 Hours. Only it's called 4 Seconds. Sorry, I slipped into flippancy again. But again, I am at least partially serious. What if that woman's near-fatal bison encoun- ter was the best thing that ever happened to her? I confess I'm too lazy to Google her and actually find out, so I'll just imagine it 40 Spanish Peak Drive Four Corners Bozeman 406.582.8700 blacktimberfurniture.com sales@blacktimberfurniture.com R e c l a i m Y o u r B e d r o o m S p a c e W i t h O u r L o c a l ly H a n d - c r a f t e d C u s t o m M u r p h y B e d Designed and Hand-crafted in the Gallatin Valley by Todd Fullerton and his team for your Montana lifestyle. WINNER OF BEST FURNITURE STORE AND BEST CUSTOM FURNITURE IN MONTANA B E S T O F M O N TA N A B M D I S TI N C T L Y M O N T A N A ' S 2023

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