Distinctly Montana Magazine

D I S T I N C T L Y M O N T A N A M A G A Z I N E • F A L L 2 0 2 2 60 hierarchy of maddening proportions. Casper's job as a border and customs patrol officer seems slightly less awful because at least he gets to sit in a cabin, alone, in the middle of no- where. What more perfect setting for an entanglement between two federal employees than majestic Glacier National Park? There's nothing like a workplace romance, especially when your work involves infiltrating a motorcycle gang called the "Hell's Keepers." Take that, Mr. Supervisor. It turns out love does conquer all–even bureaucracy. 5. MONTANA USED TO BE BETTER. Even in Romance Novel Montana (RNM), the grass was greener on the other side of the turn of the century. In Yellowstone Heart Song, Aimee Donovan travels back in time two hundred years, winding up in Yellowstone before it was Yellowstone. While we all know Yellowstone National Park is technically not Montana, at least like 95% technical- ly, we like to think it is. Aimee is from California and seems convinced that it is. So who are you, the reader, to argue with that? We already have Glacier, we might as well annex Yellowstone, too–inarguably the first park, and arguably still the best. Yellowstone in 1810 is just…better. It's quieter, cleaner, with nary a 'touron' to be seen. Sure, maybe it's a little more dangerous, with the grizzlies and the rapacious French fur traders, but it still beats sitting in traffic. Obviously, the best part of Yellowstone in 1810 is the dreamy fur trapper Daniel Osborne whose hyper-masculine ways strike Aimee as irresistible. Yes, Yellowstone used to be better, and so did Montana. The air was fresher, movement was freer, and the men were manlier. At least one of these things is actually true, but I leave it up to you to discern which one. But if men were that much more manly in 1810, imagine how manly they must have been in 1610, or 1410! They must have been covered in hair and eight feet tall and smell really awful. Research note to self: check if there are Bigfoot romance novels. Note to self: there are. Ahem, there definitely are. Y Y Y Well, that's it, everybody! To sum it all up, the Montana of romance novels isn't really all that much unlike the real Montana: rich people have it better, a six-pack doesn't hurt, and everyone wishes it were the past, while also fantasizing about being eaten by bears. Sounds like the Montana I know! Research note to self: CHECK IF THERE ARE BIGFOOT ROMANCE NOVELS. NOTE TO SELF: THERE ARE. AHEM, THERE DEFINITELY ARE.

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