Distinctly Montana Magazine

w w w . d i s t i n c t l y m o n t a n a . c o m 87 a modicum of pain when a bit of the burning material was caught under the nail. A truly impressive ouch once resulted when a young ballplayer slid into third base with a pocket full of matches which were ignited by the slide. roughout history, a bare foot stepping on the six-pointed metal piece of the children's game, "jacks" has been a recurring ouch generator. Recent changes have often rounded the sharp points on the jacks, but it is still a painful encounter. e other icon of childhood, marbles, poses the additional danger of causing one's foot to roll, leading to a hard and unexpected landing. By the 1960s, the most common ouches were the discarded pull top rings on soda and beer cans. e sharp-edged tabs were dropped by the thousands around the state's many lakes and playgrounds. ey cut many a bare foot and were frequently swallowed by small children. A partial solution was introduced by the mid-1970s with the invention of a pull tab which remained on the can. Its only remaining hazard is a tendency to capture a moustache hair and pull it off with a painful "ping" sound—followed by the traditional ouch. Most of those old ouches were accidents, but the primary ouches these days are actually a matter of choice. Carpal tunnel in thumbs which are constantly poking at a smart phone screen and bone spurs in the neck from staring down at the instru- ment are the most common complaints. It's a safer but humorless world. It's enough to make one nostalgic for those thrilling days of yesteryear. Just picture that day in 1917 when Mrs. Hoover came to Kalispell to see the circus. As recorded by the Montana Historical Society, the lady was dressed in one of the more ridiculous bits of high fashion of the early 1900s: a hobble skirt which was supposed to enhance her femininity by requiring her to take tiny steps. On her head, she wore a hat embellished with artificial cher- ries. An escaped ostrich set out in pursuit, drawn by the bright red fruit. Unable to run, the lady whacked it with her parasol each time it got too close. ose in charge of the bird were laughing too hard to come to her rescue immediately, which probably added an ouch to her self-esteem as well as any actual harm from the long-legged bird. As for the future, as people turn over more and more of their lives to artificial intelligence, will programmers have to add an artificial ouch to account for an electronic entity's low battery or a system overload? Ouch. OUCH MAY ELICIT SYMPATHY, BUT IT IS OFTEN A SYMPATHY ACCOMPANIED BY STIFLED LAUGHTER.

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